


Being Human (Can Be So Difficult)

by shir0ch4n



Series: He's Not That Bad [28]
Category: The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors
Genre: 5+1 Things, Gen, It's all fun and games, It's multichap time baby, Never Possessed!AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Proper dining etiquette, even the stuff that seems normal, is stupid hard, kids are very inquisitive, the stuff we put into our mouths can be weird, until someone is plummeting to their death, why do they ask hard questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:08:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shir0ch4n/pseuds/shir0ch4n
Summary: Or Volga tries to act like a Normal Human™️ on five separate occasions and fails. Plus one where he does it without trying.
Series: He's Not That Bad [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1353496
Kudos: 18





	1. Etiquette

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there here's that fic I mentioned I was gonna post soon. Since it's already finished I'll try to keep a consistant schedule of Tuesday updates. Enjoy!

It wasn't anything big. Not really.

At least by Hyrulian nobility standards it wasn't.

It was just a dinner. A small, social, _get together_. That was all.

So then _why_ was this _so difficult_!

“Wrong.” drawled out the voice for the fifth time.

Slamming down the spoon the redhead couldn't help but lose his composure as he barked out, “ _Oh, what_ _now_?! I grabbed the farthest spoon, I placed the stupid napkin on my lap, I did not unfold the damn thing, I did not pick up my plate, and I did _not_ eat with my _bloody_ hands! What in _Dinsake_ did I do wrong _this time_!?” Huffing now he barely heard the bored,

“You pulled the spoon towards you.”

Completely frustrated, Volga just let his head fall onto the table with a loud groan. Not really caring for Eliza’s exclamation of it having just been repaired after his last visit.

This dinner was going to be a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally spent hours researching proper table etiquette and this is what I condensed it to. At least I know how to properly eat at a fancy restaurant now. If only I wasn't so terrified of them.
> 
> There all just going to be small snippets. One day I'll be able to write longer chapters.


	2. Biology

Every child at some point asks the dreaded question that is the bane of all parents everywhere. Vincent had hoped that perhaps he would never have to fall victim to it as his daughter would stay young and innocent forever. It seems as though reality had other plans. However, he was right about one thing.

He didn't have to answer the question.

When Diana was 6 years old she decided to ask  _ that  _ question. It was her favorite uncle who fell victim to it. Curious as to his response, Vincent couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation.

“That’s simple,” the baritone voice said with ease. Concerned the father prepared to jump into the room. He forgot how blunt his friend could be. “hatchlings come from eggs.” And he immediately faced palmed.

He also forgot that his friend is a dragon and of course they all hatched from eggs. Somehow he made it even more difficult to discuss later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are an egg laying species....and he panicked a bit....ok a lot.


	3. Limitations

It was as the screams grew fainter that Volga realized he had made a critical mistake. Quickly jumping into action he threw himself off the cliff face after the panicking hero. Once he secured Link he summoned his wings to slow down their descent to the ground. As soon as they landed the hero broke off and sent a wave of frustration and confusion towards his companion. Ignoring the looks the others were giving the pair.

The trip had been going so well until that point. The group of allies had gone on a rare leisure trip to the mountains beyond Death Mountain. Where there was actual foliage and not just rocks. Much to the dismay of Darius.

Excited, Link had gone to hike up to the tallest peak to get a view of Hyrule in its vast glory. After all his hard work he enjoyed the view for all of 5 seconds before he felt hands on his back and was then scre- yelling- as gravity took hold all of a sudden. Now he wanted answers.

Or maybe not, as the uncharacteristically embarrassed dragon let out a quiet, “I forgot humans can't fly.”

Now he just wanted to lie down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Draconic roughhousing is very different from human roughhousing.


	4. Diet

The kitchens were often quiet during the early dawn hours. Usually it was only Daniel who was there, prepping for the  _ very _ busy breakfast hours. However, ever since their resident recuperating  _ guest _ was given permission to explore the castle, the chef found a constant companion for these lonely hours. The hybrid was so curious about the different meals humans can create that he couldn't stop asking about them.

Speaking of,

“So what is this made out of again?” the dragon immediately made a face after sniffing the offending foodstuff.

“I told you it's called  _ cheese _ ,” the cook took the cheese out of the hybrid’s hands, “  _ Aand _ , it's made out of milk fat.”

“What in dinsake is  _ milk _ ?”

“It’s what comes out of a cow’s udder. We sometimes drink it or cook with it.”

“You people decided to just  _ drink _ and  _ eat  _ what came out of another  _ living being _ ?!” Volga asked incredulously. There were a lot of questionable things he had consumed but never anything that came  _ out _ of another creature.

“Well, we eat eggs too.” Daniel supplied offhandedly. The chef’s attention was elsewhere before realizing what a  _ stupid _ thing that was to say.

“ _ WHAT _ ?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daniel was making omelettes.
> 
> Sorry this chapter was late, life got busy.   
> I'm engaged now to my boyfriend of 9yrs, work got a bit hectic and I have a car now so everyone's been asking for a ride or favors. Next week will be on track.


	5. Fashion

It didn't make sense.

It  _ never _ made sense.

Why would the humans time and time again cover their bodies head to toe with  _ fabric _ . It wasn't even comfortable fabric, it's scratchy and thick and rough and just generally unpleasant. At the very least if it's just for modesty they can just cover the “important" bits and leave the rest to breathe.

But no, it was “That's too bare, think of the talk.” or “people don't run around half naked.” Personally his favorite was “PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! YOU'LL GIVE SOME POOR FOOL A HEART ATTACK!!”

So, when Volga finally agreed to go to some stupid party - forgive him - some stupid _ball_ , he was less than pleased at the prospect of having to wear a _tunic_ for the whole evening. Even worse, he had to get _fitted_ for the blasted thing since he doesn't even _own_ a tunic. While the dragon was not shy at the thought of being touched or looked at, there were limits as to how long he can stand being stared at and frisked for _measurements_. That wretched tailor had her fun he bet.

Too bad he didn't stay in that tunic for very long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending hints to a larger fic in the process that may or may not get written. Depending on my SADS™️ Meter.  
> But I will get to it eventually.


	6. Curiosity

There was a small creature.

Then there was an ambush waiting to happen.

As Impa watched the last of the would-be bandits were secured in the wagon, she turned to the dragon with a questioning look on her face.

“Not that I'm complaining or anything, these men have been known to ambush incoming travelers. But how exactly did you find them? We've been searching for weeks with no results.”

Volga plainly replied, “I have heightened senses, I just sniffed them out.”

He released a small sigh of relief as Impa took the answer at face value and continued to dole out orders.

She didn't need to know he followed a cat for an hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Killed the cat but satisfaction brought him back."
> 
> I have no excuse for this chapter being stupid late other than life happened and I got a case of No Fucks Syndrome for a while. I know is very short but it was based on an actual thing I did. Except it was geese and not a cat. And no bandits.
> 
> I'll have the flip side of this up soon.
> 
> I have a lot of time on my hands now since my city has been quarantined. So feel free to drop a prompt for this AU or the fandom in general here -> [shir0ch4ns-art](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/shir0ch4ns-art)
> 
> Stay safe, buy only what you need please, and Wash. Your. Hands!!!


End file.
